more nature

Those of you who know me know that I have a long history of being a tree hugging nature lover. When I lived in Idaho I was a camper, angler, and all around outdoorsy girl. I camped in tents and in a camper and liked tent camping better. Then I moved to New York and got to know the west side of the Adirondacks better. My favorite lake is Nine-cornered lake because it's close enough to where I live and it's just beautiful. A short hike from the road and you can swim and just sit and look at the water. I have a picture of it in my office, so when I'm working in the dead (should I say horribly depressing death grip?) of winter I can look at it and remember that there will be summer in NY again.

That said, I now want to state that while nature is great, it needs to stay the f--- away from my house. You might know from my earlier post that I recently encountered a bat in my window fan, dead (its mouth open in a silent shriek) but in my house nonetheless. Now it's bees. Bees that are going into a gap between a window and the outside wall of my house. Yes, going in. And they're going into my bedroom. So last night it was a trip to Lowes to get outdoor spray (I mean real poison here) that shoots 20 ft. into the air. Except it didn't. But by standing on the edge of my side porch and reaching as far as I could, I got the spray to hit my target and drenched the shit out of my beloved old house, which now has two windows covered with a drippy substance that probably looks like you-know-what (I know you know).

This morning as soon as I'm done with this post, I'm going out again. I'll spray and curse and curse and spray (thank god the neighbors are on vacation) until I'm satisfied that I have wrought death and destruction upon some poor little creatures who just want to spend some time at my house. Do I feel bad? Yes and no. I wish they hadn't exhibited such poor judgment, but in doing so they left me little choice but to KILL, KILL, KILL them. I also worry about the spray coming back on me and waking up with a mutated face. Well, if so maybe I can get work as an Elizabeth Taylor look-alike.

Here are, in no order, my least favorite members of the "natural" world:

bees, used to be allergic to them, now just ridiculously frightened of them
deer flies, biting mouth parts (I think they're called black flies here in New York)
mosquitoes, now that they bite me because I have iron-rich blood
moose: they're not afraid of anybody
bears: they're stupid but more afraid than moose
badgers: scary as hell
bats: at least when they're in my window fan
skunks, well you know why

I know it seems like I don't like nature at all, but think about all the animals I do like: birds, fish, deer, elk, bunnies, snakes . . .
What aspects of nature do you like and/or not like? Don't worry, I won't tell the Sierra Club if you say you don't like spotted owls. C'mon, let's see some posting here, and thanks Jess, You're a trooper.

Gotta go; I got me some killing to do.
Rambo