Have You Seen 'Em?

Any Halloween decorations yet, that is? Here's the funniest thing about where I live and Halloween. For three years I didn't have a porch light; the old cover was rusted into its socket and wouldn't come off. When I finally hired someone to fix it, he had to rewire it so I could have a porch light. So for several years at Halloween I'd put out candles on my porch and kids would timidly come to my door. Thank goodness nobody went up in flame. Last year I had a porch light and the usual no decorations and kids went by, often after conferring with their parents in hushed tones. Did my lack of scary decorations turn people off? Maybe they thought, the porch light's on but she really doesn't want trick or treaters, who knows? This year I think I'll put a decoration on my door. Maybe, ironically I think, kids are looking for more than a porch light; maybe they're looking for an endorsement of Halloween. Maybe I'm analyzing too much, but heck, I don't want to get stuck with an extra two bags of candy that we all know I'll eat.

So what's the perfect candy for Halloween? I don't mean just for kids; I mean for us, too. What is it that you wouldn't mind getting stuck with? Would it be your favorite candy bar (in my case Milky Way Midnight)? Or would it be something you'd normally never eat, but that somehow tastes good when you're caught up in the spirit of Halloween (in my case Milk Duds)?

Or, related to Halloween, any favorite, scary, or sad stories to share? My most memorable story is, alas, a sad one. Mrs. Burrell, who lived across the street with her two, I suspect, psychotic sons, once gave all the other kids at her door full sized Three Musketeer's bars. Too me, she gave the following words of wisdom: "Murphy's stink!" She and my mother had some long standing feud and had not spoken in years. I should have stood at the curb, but I was a princess that year, and you know how kids feel about royalty.

Whatchu got? I'm trying to get into the spirit here. Does anybody remember Lady Bubba from SUNYIT four years ago? Now that was a Halloween event!

So Clark, if you're out there . . .

I think I might need a pep talk. I'm reading Sullivan and Tinberg's What Is College-Level Writing? and I think I need someone to remind me why it is we do what we do. Remember that D.A. program and all those grand ideals we had about giving them (students) voice through writing? We're still supposed to do that, right? Even if they don't want it, voice that is? Even if they want something else, like for us to just give them the answer and shut up? Dr. Draney, I await your reply.
P.S.: In case you hadn't guessed, I don't work in an English department.

All I can say is . . .

she can't really be that bad; it must be my medication, although hallucinations are not listed among the possible side effects. I mean, really, even in parody Tina Fey sounds smarter. And, btw, I thought she'd at least have better hair.

I'm gonna make it after all

Well, at least I think I am. Pretty soon I think I'll see an end to the days of peanut butter toast and jelly and Lean Cuisine and mooching off D, who is, as I said in my blog profile the best boyfriend in the world. I guess lasers are as cool as they sound, not as hokey as they sound. A word of caution: be careful if you are prescribed muscle relaxers. Before you know it you might end up shaking and unable to spell muscle relaxers. Not the desired effect. So while I was "in the hole" here's what happened:

The leaves started to turn and they look lovely. What a beautiful place to live this central New York is. Makes up, I suppose for the dearth of things to do. Also while I was in the hole it started raining, which reminds me: get that vitamin D out everybody; winter's comin'.

One last thought: Barack Obama needs to jazz up his rhetorical style a little. The last thing most of America wants in a president is someone "thoughtful and intellectual" (NPR). I mean really!
Ta

Jim, I have to disagree

I was getting in my car last night to drive home from Daryl's house. . . You need the whole context to imagine why this is still making me chuckle the next day as I write. The debate was on NPR and the first sentence I heard out of Barack Obama's mouth was . . . well, I can't remember what it is because in that sentence he called John McCain Jim. It made me laugh, something I've done little of since my back injury. It made me wonder what else has happened while I was LOST in my self imposed exile. Anybody want to clue me in?
I hear there's a Sarah Palin Katie Courick (sp?) interview I have to look for. I think "Jim" is probably just as good as anything in that interview. It's sweet, simple, Freudian and says so much; actually it says nothing but that's what we have media for. I can't wait.
In back news, I have a little less pain, but I had a bad reaction to the medicine I was taking. It was supposed to knock me out, make me sleep, but it made me shake, become depressed, and sort of rendered me unable to complete a thought. Oh yeah, and dehydrated the heck outta me. Either it was the medicine, or I had sudden onset ADD and a bad case of fleas at the same time. I think I'll be okay, though because my concentration is back and I have a couple of new books to read.
Back to politics . . . what did I miss? Does anybody have any funny lines? I'm guessing MS Palin has delivered some media fodder. Oh and one other thing: I'm not the only one who wonders why the candidates and the media seem to think we're so stupid, am I?

Laser, Taser, What's the Difference, Really?

After two days yeah, the whole laser thing seems voodoo crazy to me on one hand. They put pads on my back while I'm lying face down on a gurney (I guess) and the first pad gets really warm (I guess it's uv). The second one is cold when they put it on and doesn't really warm up. I just lie there and try to read the New Yorker because my doctor has a subscription and I gave mine up. It's hard to concentrate because my back hurts a lot in that position, and because the New Yorker is just as pretentious as it ever was. Then they run a laser over my spine and the area that hurts the most, which is located pretty far to the left of my spine. The whole thing takes about an hour. The nurse comes and goes and talks a lot about her kids and girl scouts and how much homework kids have in fifth grade.

I guess since it's an hour of my time, it'd be cool if I had someone a little more interesting to talk to, maybe interview. I don't know who; of course my immediate choice is Stuart Murdoch, but really he's just a guy in a band. I think maybe I'd like to interview my father and have somebody there to get things down on record. He's had a really interesting life in some ways. I'd like him, for the sake of my fantasy interview, not to be 97 and to know more about his heritage. Maybe I should go the route where I interview someone famous and infamous to get to the core of something, uncover the "real" story. Who knows? I'll think about it today. Who would you interview? Let's assume whoever you interviewed had to tell the truth, too.

Oh, yeah, here's a funny thing about the laser thing. They make you put on these glasses while they're actually doing the laser. For some reason, maybe because they look like those big frames I wore in the 80's (stop laughing, everybody wore them) that cracks me up. It makes me think of old pictures I have in which my glasses look comically way too big for my rather small head. I chuckle to think of it.

Life in the Slow Lane

I'm getting a bit more accustomed to taking things slowly. I hope it helps because it certainly is frustrating. I guess I've always been a pretty revved up sort of person. I mean logically I've had enough people tell me that to know it's true. But I didn't really know how much it meant to me, was a part of me. Takin' it slow is associated with being relaxed and easy going, two positive traits, right? Takin' it slow because your back hurts is not like that, but I think I'm starting to adjust. I could be kidding myself.

One thing I know is better is my attitude. I know this because my imagination, which was dulled by pain and maybe skilaxin, is starting to revive itself. So here's a fanciful little query for those of you (especially Jess) who appreciate such things. I'll base it on television since we all know enough about that medium. Think of a television show (or movie) premise and a situation that you're familiar with. Think about what they would be like if merged. Would it be funny? Sad? Something else? I'll try first.

If faculty meetings could be a little like Lost, with threats of real danger and perceived danger, with things falling out of the sky and vague sometimes unseen threats, nothing would get done but the meetings themselves would be more interesting, I'll even say fun, as long as there was a tv show like time limit on them. Imagine faculty members coming to discuss serious academic issues, but finding out they have to dodge bullets, tranquilizers and the occasional polar bear instead. Someone starts to make a point but is interrupted by a cache of coconuts falling from a booby trap. I realize that in my present impaired condition I wouldn't be a good candidate for survival, but it sure would be out of the ordinary. I wish I could think of a soundtrack for this one. Maybe later.

It's kind of a stupid idea, this one, but since I'm still a little imagination-impaired it's all I've got for now. I can't wait to see what my mafia friend comes up with.
Cheers

Rhetoric

I've been doing something this morning that I often sneer about, watching morning tv news. I saw a segment about the lies (actual falsehoods) that are being put out by the two candidates against each other. Would John McCain privatize social security? I don't know, but Barack Obama seems to be saying he would. Would Barack Obama threaten even further my middle class existence? I don't know, but John McCain seems to be pointing out that in some way I'm not sure I understand, he would. Since I have not been following the campaign by choice, I felt a little naive. So, I wondered, what's the weirdest thing you guys have heard? No matter who you support, there must be something you've heard that made you chuckle or shake your head. What was it?

Today is day one of laser treatment. May the force be with me.

The Real Peace Out

Today is International Peace Day. I hope that we all find a way today to recognize the good and peaceful things about and in our own lives. I know that peace is an abstract concept and not always an achievable goal. This year we celebrated the fifth anniversary of a war that, in my opinion, never should have started. And we also crossed the 6,000 mark of American fatalities from that war. In March I stood in the cold holding a banner with the names of New York soldiers who have died since the war began. It was, sadly, a big banner.
So on this International Peace Day I wish everyone just that, peace.

The Good News Is . . .

that yesterday my colleague and I met with a publisher to talk about the anthology that came from a service-learning project. It looks like we will be able to get 1,000 copies of the book published with the grant money we have. That's really good news, since the project has been a long time in the works. It's a collection of narratives based on interviews with breast cancer survivors. It was a rewarding project, but it's time to get the show on the road, so to speak.

The other good news is that I'll be able to start the laser treatment this Monday instead of waiting a week. I'm already sick of being in bed and driving everywhere. I'm proud of myself for not a) over researching the procedure on the Internet, and b) letting myself freak out with worry that I may come out of this with a big hole burned through my back. Modern medicine, right?

Right.

Bummer dude!

As this week ends, I have to say it hasn't been a great one. I had to cancel a trip to NYC to see my family and some goods friends coming from Portland. It makes me pretty sad. My back is under code red "back attack," and I'll just say it hurts a lot. So, as I often do, and because I'm a pathetically eternal optimist, I'm going to focus on some good things that happened this week. Hopefully it'll cheer me up.
1) My classes went very well. Students spoke very intelligently about the essays I assigned. Hooray!
2) Because of my back and immobility, I don't have to feel guilty because I'm not spending enough time with the stupid dog. Ha! Now I can focus on feeling guilty because I can't walk the dog, and she's turning into a little porker.
3) As my doctor said, I can devote the next six weeks "upper body strengthening". That translates to crunches and repetitions (many) with small weights. Maybe I won't have string bean arms when this is done.
4) I can focus even more (and this might not really be a good thing) on my next scholarly project.
5) I'll have more time to worry about tenure. Oops, how did that get in there?
6) I have more time to remind myself that, basically, I'm an optimist. And I'd better get to it.
7) My new posture, crooked and hunched over, might be considered quite sexy in some cultures.
8) The wonder drug my doctor gave me to reduce pain and inflammation should start working soon.
9) I have great linens, so that makes being bedridden a lot nicer.
10) Since I can't walk for exercise, I won't have to replace my shoes so soon.
Gee, I feel better already. Well, not really but I will. I hope that as your week draws to a close, you have some weekend fun to look forward to. Pity party, here I come!

Ouch!

So the news from the doctor wasn't so good. He thinks my back pain is another rupture, same disc, different side. I'm grounded for awhile, no extra walking, no jogging certainly, just going to work and resting for up to six weeks and taking an anti-inflammatory. Oh, and laser treatments, up to twenty of them that insurance won't cover. Maybe I'll drive that Corolla a little longer.

Am I bummed out? Yeah, a little.

What would cheer me up?

Well, the virtual pretend party hasn't happened yet, so answer those three questions from yesterday and let's do it. I'm not so sure about the Spam, Clark, but hey I'll (virtually) give it a try. Jess, your dip sounds interesting, and I'm gonna add some virtual chili flakes to the cocktail sauce. The best thing about the virtual nature of this event is that since it's not in CNY, nobody has to feel obligated to bring greens and riggies.

Back to my back; I call it the "back attack," yeah like "Barack Attack". Since I'll have a lot of free time on my hands, time that will not result in me learning to crochet after last year's pathetic attempt, what am I gonna do? What should I watch, read, take up? I've got Netflix and my buddies from Lost are still somewhat entertaining as I schlog through season two, but does anybody have any interesting recommendations?
Have a great Thursday!

Cheering Up

Jess is sick, Clark didn't get an offer on his house, and my back is killing me. So, there are three people who could use a little cheering up. What should we do about it? Well, in my opinion a costume party always helps. If you read this blog, and you like costume parties, let's have a virtual pretend one today. Virtual and pretend might seem redundant, but since we're all going to work (probably), and many of us live in such vastly different places, it'll have to do.

So, if your one of those people who says they read my blog, but never comments, here's your chance. You get "into" this party by telling me three things:
1) What costume you're wearing to the party
2) What the best costume you ever wore to a party was
3) What must-have food/beverage you're bringing to the party and why it's a "must have"

Here's my party information:
1) I'm coming to the party dressed as that adorable cartoon character Meatwad. To make things even better, I'm coming covered in real chopped meat, as my parents call it. Realism is important, and now that I've thought about it I also like the idea of being covered in chopped meat(mmmm). Vegetarians won't appreciate it, but everybody else will be glad I came if we run out of party munchies.
2) The best costume I ever wore was the gummy worm tamer outfit I came up with once. It was cool, a little sexy too, I think. I had a black leotard, fishnet stockings, boots, a red satin circusy skirt, a top hat, a whip, and gummy worms pinned to my costume. I felt quite inventive, but did spend a bit of time repinning my gummies, which fell off frequently.
3) I don't have to bring anything. I'm covered in chopped meat! Okay, I'd still bring my fetish food: potato chips. I don't buy potato chips, so when I go to a party (or a catered school function) where there are potato chips, you know where to find me. Cheap ones, fancy ones: I love them tater chips. The resta youse (yes, I'm going to talk in my NJ accent at the party) can bring the fancy stuff. Me, I'm bringing a bag of plain chips, a bag of ridged chips, and a bag of lower salt chips for when I get thirsty and want to cut down on my salt intake. Sorry bbq and cheddar lovers. I don't believe in that sorta stuff.

So let's get this party stated! Answer my questions and you're in! It's gonna be the best virtual pretend costume party you've ever attended. And just planning it has really cheered me up. I hope you all can make it.
Nicholas, there's a Gambino out there waiting to be impersonated.

So Is It . . .

Fava Flav, or Flava Flav? I dare you all to admit you know which it is.

Something Ain't Right

Last night I was prepping for my class today, and I had the tv on. I wasn't really paying attention to what was on, but then I noticed it was a show with somebody named Fava Flav (yes, I realize that saying "somebody named" makes me seem old and uncool). I guess he has a "reality" show that involves women trying to "get with him" (yeah, now I sound hip, right?), and he eliminates them one by one. Man, it would really bite to get picked off or kicked out by a guy who seems to have a lot of bling and a little less brainpower. Sorry, I call 'em like I see 'em.

Of course, the whole thing got me to thinking. Now if you think this is going to be a post about perfect mates (as in what would you look for in a), or a High Fidelity list of my top five rejects(assuming I'd been rejected by five), you're wrong. I want to do a little brainstorming about reality tv. What would it take to make a good reality tv show that smart people wouldn't be ashamed to admit watching. I mean, you could have a show in which people are eliminated because they can't come up with the correct poem that contains the line "The world's whole sap is sunk/
The general balm th' hydroptic earth hath drunk," but would it be fun to watch people stay in the game because they were the only ones who actually took 17 century brit lit? And doesn't that format just seem like a Jeopardy category?

So what would it take? What would a bunch of people have to do on tv to make a reality show good? You notice I'm assuming there are no good reality shows out there, when, in fact I know nothing. If there are quality reality shows, tell me about them. Maybe I could watch them between Lost dvds. I've seen Project Runway and that cooking show, and they just don't really have it. Catherine used to make me watch Dog the Bounty Hunter; I guess that's a reality show. I'd like to see one of you defend that!

Anyway, I'm going to come up with a great idea for a reality show, or maybe an absurd one. And I'm going to post it tomorrow. You should come up with one too. Maybe together we can make millions.
Peace Out

Tights: An Update

Let me get the real narcissism out of the way first. So far I've found four pair of tights, two black, one a wine color, and one pair is brown argyle. And I said central New York is bereft of tights! Thank you, TJ Maxx. Add to that the jacket I bought in a color we'll call "impulse buy red" and I'd say it was a pretty productive materialist spree.

No new car, though. But I did almost get, let's call it "hood"winked. I found a 2006 Kia Rio on a lot, got an asking price, got a trade in value, then went home and found that on the dealer website the car was listed at $2,000. less than they'd told me. I called them up and got two great "possible" explanations. We'll see.

Some nasty stuff blew through during the night and now I can hear the sound of people running over branches in the street. Hurricanes used to be so much fun when I was a kid in Jersey. We'd start at the corner, schlogging through the backed up water all the way to the end of the block in our bare feet with our mothers yelling "that's sewah wawtah"! Great times.

113 pictures were taken with the cutout of Barack Obama Saturday. Several people changed parties, I hear. The picture was life sized (he is tall), and from now on I will think of him as very skinny. I've said this before, probably too many times, but since I don't watch tv news, I never really know what these people look like. Like until I read all that about him in the Times, I never knew Carl Rove was so handsome.

So here's my challenge for the week, challenge to myself that is. I'm gonna shake the crappy mood I developed last week. This week I go to the doctor, so hopefully my back will be on the mend. I'm also going to NYC, yep, the Big Apple, to hang out with friends from Portland. So what have I got to mope about? True, I'm out of Lost season two dvds until tomorrow, but I can probably make it, maybe.

What are you going to do this week?

Barack Attack?

So the dem rally is today, and the weather is certainly not cooperating. Is this portentous? I hope not. At my peace group meeting last Sunday several members said that they didn't think Sarah Palin could make a difference and shouldn't be taken seriously. I bet they've rethought that one.

Okay, so I'm interested in the election again. Lena and Julie are responsible. Lena for coming over and sparking my interest and Julie for sending me an alarmist email. I guess it's time to step up to the plate. I thought I'd just hang material on people's doors and run like hell for the car, but maybe I'll rethink that one.

You know, I know how it sounds when I write about the whole liberal and peace group thing, and I bet every time Josh reads this stuff he shakes his head. But I don't care; I'm gonna keep plugging away for the right to be naive and, well, maybe we'll just leave it at naive.

On Sept. 11th I read a myspace post written by my friend Rob, who's in Iraq and who still supports the war. It gave me pause. It's one thing to stand somewhere with a peace sign in the safe confines of CNY, another to be there "camping" as he refers to what he does sometimes.

Since my post is becoming decidedly morose, and since I want to cheer myself up, I think I'm gonna answer the question I asked about who I'd want my picture taken with. I think I'd want a picture taken with pictures of all my ex boyfriends, and they'd all be dressed in black turtleneck shirts and gray pants and I'd have a red cocktail dress and red high heels on. I don't know why, but I think that would be very funny.

The hunt for local tights begins in earnest today. Most of the time I can't make myself go shopping, but today's the day. I need knee socks too. Alternately, I could start wearing pants like everybody else, but that's not likely. Wish me luck. I'm going to look at cars too. All that and go to the rally and the sustainability fair? What a woman! Who's gonna mow the lawn? Happy weekend. What are you gonna do?

It's going to be an exciting 7 and 1/2 weeks

That's what I heard when I turned on NPR tody. I don't know who the interviewee was, but I know that he's insane. The next weeks until the election are, in my opinion, going to be anything but exciting. They'll be full of dems and republicans making fools of themselves and treating us like we're the morons some polls seem to reveal we actually are.

I guess I should have said right at the start of this post that I'm in a pretty crappy mood. Yesterday as I was driving the little blue boy down the Arterial on the way to work, a truck passed me and cut in fast and when it did a chunk of twisted metal flew off and wedged itself under Blue (yes, I name and personify appliances and vehicles). The noise was horrible and actually terrifying. I was able to pull over to an exit ramp, where I (in a skirt and knee socks, mind you; I was on my way to work) pulled the metal out from under the car. Something, perhaps a heat shield, got ripped up in the process, and I'll know today if there's more damage.

The crazy thing is, I've had a feeling all week that something bad was going to happen to Blue and me. Yes, I'm your psychic friend. I just had this creepy feeling every time I drove. The bright side? Well, now it's happened and I can worry about whether or not the car is a death trap while I'm driving it. It's a good thing my mechanic, Buzz, is only six blocks away.

In other news, whatever I did to my back three weeks ago is not going away, and I have to act like an adult and call the doctor.

The good news: well my students are turning out to be fun and pretty good writers. The Breadman and I are going to make another hopefully perfect loaf of bread this morning using Clark's recipe, and Lena's coming for coffee if this post doesn't scare her off. So, all in all I guess things aren't so bad. Thanks blogger, I feel better already.

The dems sent out another flier saying that you can get your picture taken with "our own" Barack Obama at Saturday's rally. I think that could mean something worse than the cutout I envisioned. I hope they haven't hired a B.O. impersonator. I'll keep you updated.

So what's new by you? Any hurricanes, or objects falling on or under you? I'd like to hear from anybody who had a good week, so I can know such things do happen. If you had a crappy week like me, go ahead and let me know. Misery loves company, yo.

B. O. and me

Barack Obama, that is. The other day the Kirkland dems sent me a flier for our upcoming rally on the Green (everything is "on the Green" now in Clinton), and one of Saturday's events is an opportunity to get my picture taken with Barack Obama. I don't think he's really going to be here, though. I would have heard about it. I think it may be an opportunity to get my picture taken with a life sized cutout. And that got me to thinking.

I wonder whose "picture" I'd like to get my picture taken with? Great sentence, huh? But you get my point, right? It'd be someone I don't really want to meet, maybe. Or someone whose presence in a picture with me would be really ironic for some reason. Or maybe it would just be my idol, Stuart Murdoch. I met him once and nobody took a picture then. I just don't know who it would be.

So I'll ask you. Whose picture would you get your picture taken with, and why? I'll think about it too, but right now I have no answer.

Have a lovely day, and stay warm wherever you are.
Jess, get that permit and get out on the TP. Pretty soon you'll be "challenge driving" like Mr. Nick does.

Tights, a decidedly girlie post

One good thing about the coming of autumn is that I get to wear tights, not pantyhose, which I loathe, but tights. They're the greatest thing ever invented for women who try to dress, well I'd call it professionally but some of you who read this blog would chuckle. Interesting tights give flair to even English teacher outfits, so I actually look forward to pulling on that first pair today. It's in the high 40's this morning, and it'll get up to almost 70, plus I have a meeting with our school's new president, so it's time to cover up those bare legs and wear a pair of real shoes too. It's not so cold that I need the heavy duty tights yet, so I should be able to pull off some interesting, eclectic look.

But there's a problem. Finding interesting tights in central New York isn't easy. I like stripes, polka dots, and unique colors. Evidently I'm the only person in CNY who does. The stores here have tights, yes, but the selection is less than inspiring. There are plenty of woolies, for good reason.

So I turned to the Internet and what do you know? If you google women's tights you can find all kinds of things. The trick is that many of them are not exactly what you'd teach English in. I don't need hosiery that comes with an apparatus to which it needs to be clamped, thank you. And I don't need to pay $42.00 for that pair of bird's eye tights from a website named Spanx. And while I'm at it, Victoria's Secrets really shouldn't categorize some of that stuff as tights, c'mon. "Hide and Peek" pantyhose? Leather leggings for $198.00? I want tights!

I'm going to keep looking, and out there somewhere is a rack or a website that'll have what I want: chevron designs, stripes, a powder blue pair to go with my new paisley skirt. I don't want any of that tie-dyed hippie stuff either. That would be a little too eccentric and would make my legs look even shorter. I'm going to find them, these wonderful tights, and they're going to look great. Wish me luck, and if you have any ideas, let me know. Maybe there's a tights r us store in NJ, Jess?

Thunder

I woke up this morning to thunder. It's definitely not the hot meets cold violent thunder of summer, though, and that served as yet another reminder that summer is over. It also reminded me that I told our school's sustainability committee that I'd be spending some time in my comp class talking about sustainability and what we can do to reduce global warming. The other day I read that if we all reduced our meat consumption by one day a week that act would have a huge positive effect. But I love my steak so much. Besides, I think I do some good things for the environment. I drive a small car, don't use air conditioning, buy local when I can and recycle and reuse faithfully.

What I need though is a glamorous or fun way to talk about sustainability in my classroom. When I told my students that we'd be talking about the environment they groaned, maybe because it had been the topic of their convocation and the speaker was dogmatic and righteous enough that I wanted to through my plastic water bottle in the wrong bin afterward.

That's the problem with issues like being green; there's a perception that they're boring and that the only people who are interested in them are ineffective left-wing middle class liberals who want to tell everybody else what to do. It's the same with peace efforts. So two of the things I affiliate with are boring to a lot of people. What am I gonna do?

I mean, literally, what am I gonna do? Put on your thinking caps and help me come up with some outlandish imaginative way to teach greenness. Do you remember those cholesterol demonstrations with blocks of fat? How about the old tooth in cola? Bad nasty smoker's lung? I don't think I want scare tactics; I want something fun. I've got a few ideas, but I want to see what all of you imaginative people can come up with. Remember, it's college not grade school.
Peace

C'mon

Yesterday was Astroland's last day, something I don't quite understand. If Coney Island could weather the 1970's when it seemed like nobody came to NYC for any reason other than to commute to work from Jersey, why is Astroland closing now when the city is so full of tourists that I could make bus fare back to Jersey from all their will you take our picture requests?

Gentrification, maybe? Is Astroland too rundown and tacky? Is the boardwalk a passe idea now? Maybe we want a bluer ocean to look at than the Atlantic? I'm sure the future of Coney Island will be more tasteful, less tacky.

Maybe Astroland's decline began when they stopped selling egg creams at Coney Island. They may be there still, but I couldn't find one the last time I was there.

The blogosphere yielded the following information about what's rumored to be Coney Island's future:
Developer Thor Equities plans a $2 billion amusement, retail and residential project along the boardwalk. The plan, which some reports have characterized as "Vegas-style," includes more than 20 new rides.

Besides amusements, it envisions entertainment, what it calls a "family hotel" and indoor water park, retail spaces and residential condos and hotel timeshares.

Timeshares at Coney Island? Sign me up. It's not like I went to Coney Island much. In fact, I've been there more as an adult because when I was growing up it was scary and dirty and nasty and nobody went there. But that changed and Coney Island was a place where people could go for cheap and have fun, and they did.

I just want to know what's next? What icon of Americana is going to fall? The North Pole? What's the world coming to? How 'bout you? What do you miss?

You Ate What?

When I was making vegetable soup yesterday with the last of my fruit-and-veggie-stand vegetables, I started reminiscing about something an ex-boyfriend told me he and his roommates used to do. He said that at the end of the week they would take all the leftovers from the fridge and put them together and eat them, no matter what they were. He described putting leftover hard boiled eggs into things like leftover Chinese food and anything else that happened to reside in the fridge at week's end. He even implied that dessert items would occasionally be tossed into the mix, but this I don't believe. How disgusting? How daring? How practical?

I play it pretty safe when it comes to incorporating leftover foods into new dishes. I put Friday's kamut pilaf into my soup, but that was hardly an out-on-the-ledge choice. In fact, I didn't even combine chili and macaroni until I was almost thirty.

So I wonder, am I missing out on a whole universe of palate-tempting concoctions? Should I be combining Tuesday's leftover tofu and broccoli with Thursday's TVP spaghetti sauce? Should I throw caution to the wind and maybe come up with something intoxicating?

Maybe this leftover dilemma (which is a real one for anybody who lives alone) is the reason I eat steak so often. I've evolved into an almost-otherwise-vegetarian with a three night a week steak habit for a reason, I think. Steak is easily consumed, and accompanied by vegetables, very satisfying. It leaves no leftovers if you make sure you portion correctly. If done correctly (very rare) it satisfies any blood lust that can be satiated without committing a crime.

But back to the world of leftover combining. What am I missing? What do you put together to make something new out of leftover food? Is it anything anybody else would really consider eating? My mother used to fry leftover spaghetti in butter and that was pretty good. Are you just poor and desperate and you have to eat it all anyway, so combining is a way to pretend it's something new? Let me know your special dish, or maybe how you like your steak cooked.

Remember your first kiss?

Well, how can I forget? That's what Jens Lekman was singing on the car cd player while I was taking Bighead to the airport, and she asked me if I remember my first kiss. Of course I do, since it was accompanied by a marriage proposal.

I was seven years old and the love object of nine year old Raymond Elovitz, our next door neighbor. He used to ring the doorbell and ask "Can Bawheesha come play?". He looked like Alfalfa from the Little Rascals. When he kissed me right under the kitchen window and asked me to marry him, I said yes. It might interfere with my plan to become a nun (how many of you are laughing at that one), but he was so sweet and sincere.

Sadly, he was also ill and fragile and died on an operating table at Mt. Sinai Hospital while doctors were trying to correct a heart defect. Thus ended my potential life as the suburban New Jersey wife of a dry cleaning business heir, sigh.

Maybe Raymond and I would have grown apart; maybe the whole catholic/jewish thing would've become a problem. Who knows? What about you? Do you remember your first kiss? Where would you be if your first kiss had, for lack of a better word, stuck?

In other news, it's a cold turkey weekend for me. I'm not getting another Lost disc until Monday and all the Fudgees are gone. Good, I have a lot of writing to do.

If you're in hurricane country, take care.

Nasty Habits

I don't toss the word addiction around glibly, but just this week I've acquired two new nasty habits. It could be that the stress of tenure year has reduced my ability to just say no to things that I know aren't good for me. It could be sheer escapism, who know? I blame one of my new nasty habits on Ginger (aka Moopy), who told me that the tv show Lost had all these literary allusions. So, I thought I'd check it out and loaded my Netflix queue with season one episodes. By the end of disc one I knew I had a problem.

Let me say that there are some real problems with new habit number one. The acting is wretched for the most part, the flashback segue way noise annoying, and the sheer amount of calamity ridiculous. It's like watching gymnastics as a blood sport. But I knew I was in trouble when disc 3 came before disc 2 and I watched it anyway. And those negatives didn't stop me from watching four episodes last night. Watching while indulging in nasty habit number two . . .

Whoever invented the new Oreo Fudgees cookies was an evil genius. The bag describes "chocolate fudge filled sandwich cookies," but they are so much more than that. They are perfectly crisp, the fudge is in perfect proportion to the cookie part, and they have that slightly salty tang that store-bought cookies have. I ought to know; I ate seven of them last night while watching Lost. They do have an unfortunate name that sounds like something Stewie Griffin would use to describe, well you know. I blame Wal Mart for putting those cookies on a two for $5.00 sale the one time in months that I went there. I blame Daryl for taking me to Wal Mart. Blame, blame, blame.

I'm not trying to imply that I'm above it all when it comes to slightly obsessive habits. After all, I'm the one who watched all six seasons of Six Feet Under from start to finish one spring. And Tim Jim and I used to sit like fools glued to Queer as Folk episodes while I was preparing for my doctoral exams. Then there was the Big Love phase. But those were good shows, really good shows; this is different.

And these Fudgees probably aren't that good either, but I don't have time to bake my own cookies. It's a good thing I walk a lot, or I'd have Fudgee pudginess (lame one, yeah).

I bet both habits are a reaction to the part of my life I have to ignore on school nights: the part where I finish that book chapter by October 1st. I can't write after I've been teaching my two bouncy freshman classes and all the other stuff I do at work. But today's Friday, and after two meetings I'll settle in to write. I really think I can get past this; since I'm out of Fudgees this will be a good time to start over. Daryl does have the other box of Fudgees, though.

I was gonna put up some pictures of Lost and some Fudgee pics, but I'm not gonna do that, too iconic. I feel better having written this. Have any of you ever developed sudden or simultaneous bad habits? I'd like to know I'm not alone.

Update: my ear still hurts from Lu blow drying my hair with a shop vac, and get this Nick, he didn't cut my bangs either, says they're too Mamie Eisenhower. Joshie, yes tomorrow night, but call to confirm please.

No reading

Tonight's reading is cancelled, so those of you who were planning on coming and being supportive, thanks, but you can stay home and watch tv instead.

The Right Man for the Job

He's soooooooooooooooooooo dreamy! Sleek and efficient, and he knows exactly what to do to make a girl happy. Yes, I'm talking about the Breadman. Last night we made up, when at 10:00 he finished baking a perfect loaf of whole wheat bread. It's light and crusty and oh so delicious. I couldn't be happier. We're truly reunited and it feels so good. Breadman, we're on again.

Tonight is our reading at the Tramontane Cafe in Utica at 7:30. I have six new poems, some of which sound a little hysterical to me. I guess that's what tenure year does to one.

Yesterday my friend Lu gave me a haircut at his antique shop. It's a great haircut (a little short on top), but it's what he did after the haircut that's pretty funny. First he tried to blow dry my hair with a "blowdryer" from the 1950's that weighed about seven pounds. That didn't work so he used a very large shop vac to finish my hair. Switched the hose so that it blew air and went to town. Like I said, the haircut's great, but my left ear feels funny from having so much air blown into it. Imagine a bald, fat guy using a shop vac on a small white woman. Now that's kinky Mikey.

Better than the time I went to the beauty school in Pocatello, Idaho, where the hairdresser in training said "I've always wanted to do a haircut like this. Do you remember Farrah Fawcett? Well, I did, and while I did have that feather-banged look in the 1970's, having it in 1999 was a little awkward. That's probably why I started wearing a bob. How about you? Do you have any funny haircut stories? Any haircut disasters (great band name, huh?)?

A Republican and a Democrat Walk Into a Bar . . .

I have to say I'm sick of the whole election thing. As I write this I'm pretty sure there are thousands of people writing the same thing on their blogs. My admiration goes out to anyone who can sustain interest in an American presidential campaign. They're just too long and too absurd, but absurd in a humorless way.

But what if we could elect a cartoon president? Of the many cartoon characters out there, who do you think might be a good leader? There's Papa Smurf, but NPR has pointed out that he's misogynist and therefore ruined his credibility.

The problem with some cartoon characters is that they're not very bright. We're used to that in a president, yes, but it really is time for some change. We need a strategic thinker, maybe Wile E. Coyote. I know, too much of a penchant for explosives. Maybe Madeline, but the French hate us. And nobody would take Pat the Bunny seriously.

So who do you think should be the first, or at least the first openly, cartoon character?

Betrayal

Yesterday I posted about how I was going to make it work with the Breadman. I'm sad to say it didn't work out. B only kneaded the dough part way so there was a floury mess that I had to knead by hand, then proof, punch down and bake. Not very convenient. I discovered though that all the recipes in the Bman book call for less flour than I was using so maybe I was overwhelming the poor Breadman. I can be overwhelming sometimes. So I'm giving him another try. We'll see. In the meantime I have some pretty good cottage cheese pepperoni bread to eat.

Today it's back to teaching, and I'll be surprised if anybody (including me) remembers anything I said last week in class. All colleges should start after Labor Day. Maybe I'll put that into the letter to Barack Obama I'm working on.

In other news, I'm in love with Jens Lekman. I don't care if he's 27 and I'm, well, older than that. His music is funny and charming. He makes me laugh while I'm writing about service-learning and other exciting things.

This weekend I also finished two poems for Thursday's reading. Yes, I will be shamelessly plugging Thursday's reading at the Tramontane Cafe at 7:30 until the reading is over. If you come, I'll buy you a cup of coffee. You can see my new red hair. Will the narcissism ever end?

Well, that's it. Mikey will say this is the most boring post ever, and he'll be right. I guess staying in the house to write on a holiday weekend can take the juice out of one's life. I'm glad the holiday's over; I'm sick of smelling other people's barbecues.

I am picking a more upbeat theme song for the week so that I can regain my positive outlook. I hate to be predictable, but it's another B&S song, Dirty Dream Number Two. It's at least a little more upbeat than last week's song. How about you? Are you going to pick a happy song to keep in your head all week?

Things

I'm not much of a materialist, but there are some things around this house that I have and don't use. Why do I keep them? Who knows? On the other hand, I miss some things that I left behind over the years, through various moves or just because I threw them away. Here's what I wish I still had:
1) my platform shoes. Yes, of course I'm old enough to have had platform shoes the first time they hit the fashion scene. Then I could walk in them. In them I was 5'4" tall, almost
2) the old roll top desk that used to be in my parents' basement. It was really cool to play with/in and I wish my father hadn't thrown it away in one of his purges
3) the first composition text I ever taught out of (it was the Riverside for those of you who're comp fiends). It was a terrible text, but it would be a hoot to see what I wrote in the margins when I was a noob
As I said, there are some things I have but shouldn't have. They either don't really belong to me (or in my life) or are underutilized and not appreciated. They are:
1) my wedding ring
2) a signed first edition of Stephen Dunn's Loosestrife that I bought for Mark Brown almost ten years ago and never gave to him
3) the Breadman -- I don't deserve the wonderful bread machine with the Isaac Hayes voice that says "Come on over here baby; let's make some bread," but today I'll remedy that and make Daryl glad he gave it to me. It's going to be either cottage cheese dill bread or cottage cheese peperoni bread. You can decide which. Either way, I'm going to prove myself worthy of the Breadman. If he cooperates and bakes up something that doesn't resemble a doorstop, I may start baking bread regularly. My luck has not been good with the Breadman, so Clark, when I say you can use regular yeast, take my advice with a grain of salt (funny, huh?)

Do you have such things in your life or miss things that are no longer around? Lemme know what they are, will ya?